What do I want to watch?

On the weekend the spouse was busy putting together some of his favourite photos to create a book (potentially quite a nice book, updates to follow). So he said "watch whatever you want on the TV, but not a pirate movie". OK, so maybe I've played those DVDs too much lately, but what do I want to watch?

I want to watch something with adventure, humour, fun, physical action... no, actually I want to be IN something with all those things. I want movies to take the next step and be 3 dimensional, and I want to be involved in them, not just watching them on a flat screen.

We have a Wii game console, it's a great tool for having fun because you typically stand while playing a game, and your arms swing and you can actually work up a sweat. Unlike other game consoles, your thumbs are not the only part of your body getting exercise when you play with the Wii. I want the same kind of interaction with movies. I want to do sword fights and swim underwater and be inside the movie.

So how long do we have to wait for this to happen? The Star Trek series was said to inspire the iPod and other MP3 players into existence. When will something inspire enough smart people to create the technology to put people inside a movie rather than in a chair watching a flat screen?

Sometimes progress is just too slow.

What is that mouse doing?

Dude. If you want a freaky experience, try using a wireless mouse when you're half asleep - or half pickled.

The neat thing about a wireless mouse is, it's wireless. The neater thing is, you really can't tell which way is up and which way is down when the mouse is upside down!

Try using the wireless mouse with the buttons at the base of your palm and the other end under your fingers. The pointer does really freaky things, and it's really hard to click that thing!

Don't drink and surf... the mouse will be your undoing!

What's another term for overly ambitious?

Dehumidifying Vancouver

So we have a flood in our apartment building and for the 3rd time, yes, the water is on our floor and in the walls of our apartment. So we have the disaster recovery dudes come in, rip up carpets, drill holes in kitchen cabinet toe kicks, put 3 industrial strength fans in a bedroom and the kitchen. and put a huge dehumidifier in the bedroom. The disaster recovery guys are typically fun guys, they cheerfully rip up your home and warn you to keep the windows closed, or else the dehumidifier won't work - it will "dehumidify Vancouver" before it will take the water out of your room if you leave the window open.

Now there's a term! Dehumidify Vancouver. The mere thought brings to mind many other fun overly ambitious terms like:

* boiling the ocean
* solves all our problems
* hole in one
* self-appraisal
* honest feedback
* getting your ducks in a row
* business intelligence
* help hotline
* herding cats

Is there something trying to escape from the walls of my apartment condominium building?

Maybe I jinxed it. A couple of days ago I wrote about the labyrinth of duct work in my apartment building and the new access doors on the 9th floor. I figured a small Minotaur had moved in because they would feel right at home in the maze. I also talked about the perplexing maze of pipes that run through this building. The noise that comes from these pipes had me thinking there were small versions of mythical sea monsters living in there. And yesterday we had another flood. So maybe we do have monsters and they are having epic battles in our walls.

The flood started on the 9th floor and the water flowed down to a point where the cupboards above the kitchen sink on the 1st floor had a waterfall coming out of them. It took a while for the investigators to find the leak. All of the apartments from the 8th floor down now have holes in their walls. The investigators started looking on the 2nd floor and moved up through all the apartments until they found the source. It was the 9th floor. The floor plan on the 10th floor is different. The amazing mess of piping and duct work on the change-over is the culprit.

So yet again we have holes in our walls, water on the floor, people from our property management company who want to get restorers in here as soon as possible to fix the damage, and an unresponsive Strata Council who will have to pay for it and will delay the entire process for months. Yes, this has happened to us 3 times now, we know how bad the Strata Council is, we are expecting the worst.

But have the monsters managed to escape? Or do they enjoy the pain and frustration of the human inhabitants of this building when we have a flood? If they enjoy floods, an apartment condominium in Vancouver is The Place To Be.

Why are people queueing behind me?

We typically do food shopping at Granville Island Public Market on the weekends after we get as much as we can from our West End Farmer's Market. This weekend it was especially busy at Granville Island. There were a lot of people, mostly milling about, a few were purchasing items, but there were a lot of tourists taking pictures of us doing our grocery shopping, as there oddly often are.

But why were people constantly forming queues behind me?

When we do our shopping in the Public Market my spouse and I typically discus and decide on what needs to be purchased at the various vendors. Then the spouse typically requests the items and handles the transaction and I move to the side to get out of the way.

This weekend I did my regular getting out of the way maneuver, but I noticed every time I found a place out of the way to stand, I found I was standing in a crowd again. Now it is typical to find ourselves in a crowd when we're together at a vendor discussing what to get... people see others purchasing and they come up to see what all the excitement is about. Or something. But when I'm standing beside a pole, or in the middle of a walking area without any vendors, why would I find myself in a crowd?

Then I figured it out. Everyone is queueing behind me! I'm not standing in a line. There is no one in front of me, but these people are lining up behind me! I was standing outside in front of the bakery, just under the awning to stay out of the rain, and people came and stood in a line behind me! I moved to the side and the crowd milled around and looked confused. Then they slowly dispersed.

There is a whole group of tourists who are queue addicts in Vancouver right now! And they all want to stand behind me. I must look like I'm from around here and must know what I'm lining up for. But I'm not lining up for anything!

This is all I can think up for this odd group behaviour I've observed. Anyone else have any ideas?

Why is shredding paper so enjoyable?

I'm volunteering once a week to help in the offices of the Vancouver International Writers and Readers Festival and I have to admit my favourite job is shredding paper.

There is something therapeutic about taking small sheets of dead tree with colourful squiggles on them, putting them into a machine that shreds them into smaller pieces of dead tree and then taking them over to the recycle bin and adding them to other pieces of dead trees. It's destructive, and yet, it's going into recycling, so it's not as bad as if it was going to landfill. A not-so guilty pleasure.

The other fun job today was rolling up huge - bigger than me - posters for bus shelter advertisements. You don't realize how big one of those things are until you try to roll them up!

Other than that, not much happened - I didn't even have to take a phone call. Not very exciting, but it may pick up as we get closer to the event.

What is living in the walls of apartment condominium buildings?

Vancouver is a sea of apartment buildings. Most of these buildings contain a large number of privately owned condominium units. And most of these lovely apartments hide a labyrinth of duct work, electrical wiring, and plumbing design done by a certifiable madman.

In our building we've recently had our dryer ducts cleaned. Well, most of us have had our dryer ducts cleaned. But several months after this process started, today they are finishing up the 9th floor. What happened on the 9th floor that caused the act of duct cleaning to take several months? It's the labyrinth. Maybe it's something that's been living in the labyrinth. Maybe we have a small version of the Minotaur living in our walls!

The final solution to removing the Minotaur from the dryer ducts on the 9th floor has involved making holes in the walls in the apartments of the 9th floor. Big holes with new hatches. Permanent doors to give access to the world of the labyrinth beyond the walls. Maybe the Minotaur just thinks this is a home improvement, giving it access to wander about outside the labyrinth.

Why the 9th floor? You may ask. Because the floor plan of the 9th floor is not the same as the floor plan on the 10th floor. There are 4 apartments on the 9th floor and 3 on the 10th floor. The floor plans change again a couple of times as you go up the building, but the problem is only on this one change-over point. The Minotaur obviously doesn't like heights.

We had to find a water shut off point in our main bathroom a couple of weeks ago. It was well hidden under the vanity, behind the drawers, covered by a metal plate that was screwed on, 2 handles surrounded by pink insulation. And this is all a very long way from the shower stall and bathtub. Just how the pipes get from there to the shower we will never know! So what's been living in that maze? Is it the refuge of sea monsters that have had to find new homes because all the divers with side-scanners and sea monster investigators with cameras are making too much noise in their regular environment? At night there are some very odd noises that come out of our pipes. Maybe it's the sea monsters.

Since we live on the 6th floor, maybe the Minotaur on the 9th floor is battling with the sea monsters from our floor at night. I'm sure the plumbing on the 9th floor has its own special problems as well - maybe it is connected to the labyrinth.

This is, of course, all wild speculation on my part... but noises in the night do make the mind wander.

Why is transferring a call so difficult?

Every office has a different phone system, and every phone system is different, but no matter where you are, transferring a call is always fraught with peril.

This time I think I've run into the ultimate in silliness. Transferring a call with this phone system means you need to hit transfer, 3 numbers, # and 6... and the extension you want to transfer the call to! Er, well, that's a probably... I don't think I've mastered that yet, I may have sent someone off into oblivion! Why do the designers of phone systems make it so difficult?

This morning I started this year's round of volunteering with the Vancouver International Writers and Readers Festival. I'm working in the office doing reception on Thursdays. There's not much to do just yet, the festival happens October 21-26 and tickets go on sale to the public next Monday, so they're still warming up.

So far I've done some envelope addressing and stuffing, some shredding, and some alphabetization... and I've handled one call... badly. Most calls go directly to the right people, but if the caller doesn't know the extension, I need to pick up the call and transfer it. I so wish another call had come in so I could have redeemed myself! Everyone in the office says they have problems with the phone system too, so I shouldn't feel bad, but it is annoying.

Next Thursday I will need to study those instructions again! I am always amazed at the ability of receptionists to handle transferring phone calls - maybe the designers of the phone systems are receptionists who like amazing others with their skill and calm management of phone calls. I'll bet that's why it's so difficult, it's a badge of honour if you can figure it out!

Does anyone really want to know how you are when they ask "How are you?"?

Normally I assume that the answer to this is "No!" and I don't bother going into any detail beyond "Great!" or "Happy now that the sun is out."

But today my pharmacist asked "How have you been?" when I was picking up a prescription. If anyone on the planet really wants to know the answer, I figure it would be him, so I tested that idea. I told him I had a really bad cold last week, but I'm better now. He said "Oh, that's too bad." I told him it had been a year since I've had a cold and I had a hard time remembering which cold symptom relievers worked for me last year. A pharmacist sells these cold symptom relievers, and probably makes a lot of money from them. He could have had something useful to say. He didn't. I think this is odd.

And no, I don't ask people "How are you?" as a general rule myself. It's a question that makes people very uncomfortable. They may not be well, and don't want to think about it. They may think I'm not being genuine and don't really want to know. Or they may tell me their life's story. Any result makes the question a bad one to ask.

And even more frightening is someone who asks and really wants the 2 hour answer!

The answer to "How are you?" is definitely NOT 42, so I'll leave this question unasked.

Is that an off-leash child run?

Living in Vancouver's West End, we typically go to the farmer's market on Saturdays in the West End. The market is held on a street beside a small park / school yard. In the small park is a new area, a fenced-off area without grass. This is the off-leash dog run. The dogs are kept inside by the fences, so their humans can let them off their leashes and the dogs have a most enjoyable time socializing with other dogs without any fear that they will run away.

This off-leash area is a hit with the dogs. Many of them lead their humans to the gates and look up expectantly - even if the humans claim "You were just in there! We have to go home now!" Watching these dogs having such a great time is also very enjoyable for all the humans in and around the dog run.

This weekend we didn't make it to the Saturday market, so we had to go with our backup plan: the farmer's market in Kitsilano on Sunday morning. It's the same vendors, but the customers are a completely different group of people. We try to avoid this, but sometimes we just can't do a Saturday.

So I was sitting on a bench waiting for the spouse to get back from the first drop-off trip to the car and I noticed something I found really odd. The market is held in a school parking lot, in the field to the south of the market there seemed to be a off-leash child run.

The setup was the same as the off-leash dog run in the West End, fences to keep close-to-the-ground off-leash beings inside, some apparatus for them to climb on, a variety of adult humans around the edges having conversations among themselves, and about as much noise and running and colliding as you can see in the West End dog run. But the off-leash beings were definitely human. Is this an off-leash child run?

So does this mean the dogs are being treated like children? Or does this mean the children are being treated like dogs?

Will this cold ever end?

It takes about 7 to 10 days. Well, that's not too long.

Get plenty of rest. Always good advice, I'd love to do that.

Drink plenty of liquids. Sure, I can do that easily.

But I have a cold, and I don't want to take 7 to 10 days to get over this.

Getting plenty of rest isn't really a decision I have to make, I couldn't do anything energetic if I wanted to.

Drinking plenty of liquids means using the washroom frequently, that's the room with the big mirror so I can see my nose turning bright red from all the blowing and dark circles growing under my eyes because all the rest I'm getting isn't high quality rest.

There are "cold remedies" in drug stores. Entire aisles devoted to them. These provide the cold struck individual with an amazing array of syrups, lozenges, drinks, inhalers and pills promising to make you feel better. But none of them make the cold go away. Most of them make the average cold linger longer than the typical 10 days. Many of them give you a sugar rush - so much for that "plenty of rest" instruction. And all of them will give you that "I'm very medicated" feeling.

Why can't someone cure the common cold?

Is it a conspiracy among the makers of "cold remedies" to keep people staring at the aisle of syrups, lozenges, drinks, inhalers and pills? That's a rather far-out theory, but when you have a cold, you begin to think this is possible.

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Yeah. I feel really strong. So we shouldn't cure the common cold because that would make us weaklings. I vote for weakness. Can I see a show of hands with tissues in them voting for that?

And somehow the worst part is that I haven't had a cold for about a year now, so I forgot how bad it really is, and I don't remember which of the "cold remedies" actually made me feel better. So I start all over again, staring at the aisle of lotions and potions, trying to define my symptoms, and remember which ones worked last time. How's that for a "glass half empty" point of view? Well, at least there is a glass. That's the best you get when you have a cold.